Howard

Hi!  My name is Howard.  I’m a pit bull.  I think I am about six months old.  This shelter has been my home for most of my life and I am getting worried.  This is not a “no-kill” shelter.

Maybe this man will adopt me.  He has taken me for a walk and is talking with one of the staff members.

Yes!  He has signed all of the papers and is coming to me with a good strong leash in his hand.  Whew!

“Okay, Dog, let’s go home.”

Dog??  My name is Howard, not Dog!  How can I tell him my name is Howard and not Dog?  I don’t have the physical equipment to talk.  Oh well, I guess Dog will do.  It’s a lot better than Spot or Fido.

Oh, boy!  This is a big house with a big back lawn.  I will really enjoy running around instead of being cooped up in a kennel all of the time.

Oops!  Here is a big black cat.  He is acting like he owns the place.

Hi!  I’m Howard but the man calls me Dog.  I’ll bet they call you Cat.

“No, Felix.”

That’s almost the same thing, but it’s better than Kitty or Pussy.

Okay, let’s get down to basics.  I understand that you are not used to sharing your space.  But I am here now and I don’t want any trouble.  I just got out of what amounts to jail.  So I’ll try to stay out of your way.  Since you seem to prefer indoors I’ll just stay outside, mostly.  Okay?

“Yeah, but just stay out of my way”

So far, so good.  I’ve had a couple of weeks with lots of exercise.  No big trouble with Felix.

What’s that squawking I hear?  For heaven’s sake, they’ve brought home a parrot! That’ll not sit well with Felix!  Let me check it out.

Hey, Felix, what’s with all the noise?

“That noisy parrot, Maggie, will not shut up!  She’s driving me up the wall.”

Is she here permanently?

“Not if I can get to her!”

Let me see what I can do.

Maggie, I’m Howard.  Do you suppose you can give it a rest for a while?  Your squawking is getting to Felix.

“Why should I?”

Let’s see.  Felix can’t get to you in your cage on its stand.  But I can easily knock over the stand and then Felix could get to you.  And you know what cats do to birds, even tough old parrots.

“Gulp.  Since you put it that way I guess I could be quiet for a while.”

Good.  It doesn’t mean you can’t ever make noise.  That’s what parrots do.  Just don’t keep it up all the time.

“Okay.”

It’s been a couple of weeks and things seem to be calm.

Hey, Felix and Maggie, how are things?

“Since we had that discussion things are very peaceful.  Felix has stopped threatening to eat me.  Thank you.”

“Yes, Maggie and I have become friends, sort of.  She even sings a song I like from time to time.”

Hmm.  I wonder.  Maggie, do you think you can do something for me?

“If I can, sure.  What is it?”

Well you have learned to talk people talk.   Felix and I can’t do that.  Do you think you can tell the man that my name is Howard, not Dog?

“I’m not good at grammar and whole sentences but I can try.  How about ‘Howard, not Dog.’”

That should do it.  You’ll probably have to repeat it several times.

Wow, I sure underestimated how many times Maggie would have to try to get the message across.  I’ll bet it took a couple hundred tries over the past three weeks before the man addressed me as Howard.

Thank you, Maggie.  You have made me very happy!

Robert Niel Beatie – April 22, 2013

Teddy Tennis Ball

I’ve been in this package with five other tennis balls for a long time.  I wish something would happen.  I’m getting bored.

Okay!  We’re getting dumped into a basket with a bunch of other balls.  Here comes a ball boy.  He is picking me up and we are heading to the center court.  A big match is going on.

The ball boy handed me to the number fifteen seed who is about to serve for the final point of the final game of the final match of the tournament.  What an honor for me!

Wham!  Boy, this kid has a wicked serve.  Back and forth.  Exciting!  An amazing exchange.  My underdog wins!

With all of the exchanges I got a little scuffed up.  What is the ball boy doing with me?  Why is he putting me in a basket with a bunch of scuffed up balls?  I was just part of one of the biggest upsets in the tournament.

It looks like we are headed for the practice courts.  I should be more important than to be relegated to being batted around by a bunch of amateurs.  Oh well, it’s a living, I guess.

Hey!  I just got hit over the fence, into the bushes.  Aren’t they going to get me?  I guess not.  It’s gotten dark and they have all left.

It’s been a couple of days and I am still here.  Am I going to rot here under the bushes? That’s not a fitting end for a ball that was part of the biggest upset in tennis history.

Wait!  Here comes a big black lab, sniffing my way.  He is picking me up in his mouth and we are running toward a young man.  The man praises and pets the dog.

We seem to be heading to a park.  Yes, the man took me from the dog and threw me into the park.  The dog is running after me.  He picked me up and ran back to the man.  The toss-and-fetch process has gone on for some time.  It is really fun!  A much more fitting end for me!

Robert Niel Beatie – April 11, 2013

A Day in the Life of Curtis, the Desert Tortoise

Hi!  My name is Curtis.  I am a desert tortoise.  You know, one of the endangered species.  I think that I am between forty and fifty years old.  Tortoises do not have calendars and do not celebrate birthdays so I am not sure.  Anyway I have been around a while.

I have had a busy day.  This morning I awoke with a grumbling tummy.  I was hungry and needed to get something to eat.  So I set out for my favorite breakfast place.  About half way there I encountered a pesky coyote.  He was determined to eat me.  I retreated into my shell so that as he tumbled me about he could not get to me.  Finally he left, discouraged, leaving me on my back.  Let me tell you it is a real pain in the neck for a tortoise to get off his back and onto his feet!

At last I arrived at the batch of dandelions along the stream.  Dandelions are great for breakfast.

Having satisfied my grumbling tummy I set off for my mid-day nap spot.  It’s a small burrow where I can catch my forty winks, out of the hot desert sun.  Alas, as I approached, there was Bridget, waiting for me.  Bridget is a young cotton tail rabbit who says she is in love with me.  I tell her that I am a tortoise and she is a rabbit and I am much, much older than she.  Yet she persists.

Anyway I managed to back into the burrow and retreat into my shell for my nap.  (Maybe I’m much older than fifty.  I always need my daily nap.)

I awoke just in time to see Bridget take off with Harry, the jack rabbit.  He’s been after her for some time.  Maybe she will forget about me.  But she is kind of cute.

On my way to round up some tidbits for my evening meal the local road runner hopped up.  He challenged me to a race.  I’m not sure why he is so persistent.  I beat him the last four times we raced.  He is not as persistent with his racing as he is with his challenging.  I declined and suggested that he go catch a young rattlesnake for his dinner.  A suggestion he took to heart immediately.

I then harvested a couple of fresh sprigs of sage to season my dinner and was back at the stream.  Not for dandelions this time.  Dandelions are for breakfast.  No, the lush green grass and broad-leaved plants are what I like for dinner.

So, with a full tummy I am back to my private place, under the rock pile by the old saguaro cactus.  It’s a very safe place where none of the wild creatures around here can get to me.

Robert Niel Beatie – April 4, 2013

Haiku Triptych

Snow capped mountain peaks

Reflecting on alpine lake

Pine scent, fir forest

I5 corridor

Clouds of pink almond blossoms

Corn fields; rice paddies

Waves washing the sand

Driftwood beyond water’s reach

Small crabs scurrying

Robert Niel Beatie – March 7, 2013